AUTO REPAIRS
Report all auto repairs to the Fleet Manager.
OR
As a condition precedent to the initiation, approval, scheduling, execution, modification, verification, settlement, documentation, archiving, or otherwise cognizable handling of any repair activity—whether corrective, preventive, predictive, cosmetic, elective, warranty-covered, emergency, incidental, consequential, or de minimis in nature—affecting any vehicular asset that is owned, leased, rented, borrowed, consigned, sub-fleeted, demonstrator-designated, temporarily assigned, permanently assigned, or otherwise within the custodial purview, operational control, fiscal responsibility, insurable interest, or reputational ambit of the organization, it is hereby mandated, without limitation or exception and notwithstanding any contrary habit, practice, verbal authorization, implied consent, historical precedent, exigent circumstance, third-party instruction, field discretion, or mistaken belief to the contrary, that complete, accurate, timely, and verifiably transmitted communication—comprised of, at a minimum, the vehicle identifier(s), reported condition(s), diagnostic code(s), observed symptomatology, proposed scope of work, parts and materials contemplated, estimated and final labor hours, vendor selection rationale, cost estimates and variances, warranty implications, safety and operational risk assessments, downtime projections, and post-service validation results—shall be directed exclusively to, and centrally coordinated through, the Fleet Manager, who is designated as the sole point of accountability and authoritative nexus for receiving such notices, issuing or withholding approvals, adjudicating alternatives, sequencing interventions, ensuring compliance with internal controls and applicable standards, maintaining the integrity of lifecycle asset records, reconciling financial impacts, aligning remedial actions with warranty and contractual provisions, preserving evidentiary chains for audit purposes, and confirming, prior to vehicle release back to service, that the corrective outcomes meet or exceed prescribed technical specifications and regulatory thresholds; and any failure, omission, delay, fragmentation, or diversion of said communication—whether by silence, partial disclosure, misdirection to non-authorized personnel, or use of unapproved channels—shall be construed as a material deviation from policy, subject to remediation, escalation, and, where appropriate, corrective action up to and including suspension of vendor privileges, rejection of invoices, rescheduling of work, and internal performance review, until such time as the Fleet Manager has acknowledged receipt, resolved outstanding deficiencies, and formally recorded the transaction as complete within the official fleet management system of record.
OR EVEN BETTER - Buckle up. Here’s the mega-overwrought, single-sentence, policy-grade version—engineered for maximal length and maximal complication:
“Notwithstanding any prior, contemporaneous, or subsequent custom, practice, variance, waiver (express or implied), exigency, field discretion, third-party directive, or informal verbal authorization, and as a condition precedent to, contemporaneous with, and subsequent to the initiation, contemplation, requisition, approval, scheduling, dispatch, transport, teardown, diagnostic evaluation (including but not limited to OBD-II code retrieval, multimeter testing, and manufacturer-specified procedure replication), root-cause analysis, parts identification and procurement (inclusive of OEM, aftermarket, remanufactured, refurbished, or fabricated components), labor allocation, vendor engagement, warranty assertion or adjudication, cost estimation, scope finalization, risk assessment, execution, in-process variance management, quality assurance, post-service validation, documentation, archiving, and release-to-service certification of any activity reasonably characterized as a repair—whether corrective, preventive, predictive, cosmetic, elective, emergency, incidental, consequential, or de minimis—undertaken upon, or proposed for, any automotive unit, subassembly, accessory, or appurtenance owned, leased, rented, loaned, consigned, demo-designated, temporarily assigned, pool-issued, or otherwise within the organization’s custodial purview, budgetary remit, operational control, insurable interest, or reputational ambit (including vehicles awaiting intake, staged for parts, sidelined for investigation, or pending disposal), complete, accurate, timely, and verifiably transmitted communication—comprised at minimum of (i) unique vehicle identifiers (VIN, plate, unit number, make/model/year), (ii) current mileage and state-of-charge/fuel status, (iii) precipitating condition(s), symptom chronology, and environmental context, (iv) all diagnostic trouble codes and test results with method references, (v) proposed scope of work with parts/labor line items, supplier SKUs, availability, lead times, and substitution logic, (vi) estimated costs, contingencies, and variance thresholds with charge-account mapping, (vii) downtime projections and operational impact analysis (including safety, compliance, and service-level implications), (viii) warranty coverage determinations, prior-art references, and return-to-vendor protocols, (ix) risk controls, lockout/tagout attestations, and hazard mitigations, (x) post-repair validation criteria, road-test parameters, calibration requirements, and acceptance metrics, and (xi) final close-out data including as-found/as-left condition, replaced parts custody or disposal method, conformity with OEM specifications, and sign-off credentials—shall be directed exclusively to, centrally coordinated through, and formally acknowledged by the Fleet Manager, designated herein as the sole authoritative nexus for receipt, triage, prioritization, approval gating, sequencing, escalation, variance adjudication, vendor selection or disqualification, budget alignment, internal-control compliance, ledger reconciliation, lifecycle record integrity, audit chain preservation, and release-to-service authority; any omission, delay, fragmentation, misdirection to non-authorized personnel, or utilization of unapproved channels (including ad-hoc texts, side-threads, or undocumented phone calls) shall constitute a material deviation from this directive and may trigger remediation steps up to and including work stoppage, invoice rejection or reissuance, warranty jeopardy notifications, vendor probation or termination, internal performance review, retraining mandates, cost reallocation, or other corrective actions as determined appropriate by the Fleet Manager, whose decision—subject only to appeal under the organization’s formal governance procedures—shall be final for purposes of operational continuity, risk containment, and regulatory conformance; provided, further, that no vehicle so affected shall be returned to operational service until the Fleet Manager has (A) confirmed data completeness and internal consistency, (B) validated that all corrective actions meet or exceed OEM and regulatory thresholds, (C) recorded the transaction within the system of record with immutable time stamps and document artifacts, (D) updated preventive maintenance schedules and configuration baselines, and (E) issued an explicit release-to-service acknowledgment, at which point the communication requirement shall be deemed satisfied solely for that discrete repair event, without prejudice to future, separate, or related events, which shall each independently require full compliance with this clause.”